Oh... it's our fault again...

Now I've had a few dealings with the city of london cycle police, they've been pleasant and condascending in equal measure.

However, i do find their presence on the city streets to be more about raking in cash than actually doing much about the law.

it's interesting to find that they're now spreading false propaganda...

after the beeb documentary about road rage it seems the city police were out in force charging £40 a pop without any discretion. then city chief Aspinall states 'the ‘number of casualties of cyclists’ in the City is ‘mainly due to cyclist behaviour'.

I'm sorry, but this is a crock of shit, as proved in last year's investigation, reckless driving of cars and lorries is much further up the city casualty list than jumping red lights.

Personally i see this as another example of the demonisation of the city's cyclists. to the general public/commuter, once again we deserve the title 'lycra lout' - who came up with that BTW? have they ever looked at the average commuter? lycra doesn't come into it...

Back to my point, the dangerous driving i encounter everyday is down to my reckless riding, like the time the driver in peckham cut directly across my path to take a left, the time the driver in honor oak pulled out in front of me, the time the lorry drove at me... oh yes, all my fault, i was being 'reckless'

for fuck's sake...

anyway, you can read more about it on the CTC site

2. Stoking the hate...

i realise it's a tricky one, it is about freedom of speech after all. but i do think we have to exercise a degree of personal responsibility. as much as i find some materials online abhorrent, i also find it impossible to accept any kind of censorship of the internet as acceptable or indeed workable. so, i guess... hmmm... i'm not sure what i'm saying...

anyway's, i read about this on the velorution blog and i felt the mist descend.

i realise cyclists are seen to be pretty much enemy number one on the UK's streets. I'm not sure why, yes, some are incosiderate, a lot jump red lights, but that's it really. It's not like there's some kind of gang of rampant commuters raping and pillaging their way across the country.

so why do i (and any one else on 2 wheels) become a target for such hate? if i posted a blog about how to knock over prams or stories about pushing grannies down stairs i'm sure it wouldn't go down well (well... if anyone was actually reading this).

But, a professional writes a story that talks about decapitating cyclists and it gets published. whether i find it funny or not (i don't) this is about far more than that... i really don't think all the haters and twats out there need any more ideas, they consistently step out in front of me, cut me up in their cars, dangerously pass me in the buses, debate legality with me, then jump reds themselves (it's okay, they're not jumping a red, just 'edging through')... really, they've got enough.

I'm not even going to comment anymore, as it's been handled much more eloquently (and from a better informed mind) by andrea at velorution and on Treadly & Me

1. Hmmmm...

Not sure how i feel about chain guards, but i am starting to love the practical in my old age and these are purty.

would stop me getting oil on my tweed.

from the soma blog

Well... I'm back blogging...

I've been super slack of late, even by my standards...

I spent most of November trying to find somewhere to live, then most of december picking up the pieces when it all fell apart.

nearly £5K down and with a lovely new bike stand, but nowhere to put it, i wasn't feeling up to much... except perhaps causing (financial) harm to my landlord...

anyways, hopefully i have a new home, sadly with less bike space, but on the upside it should have heating, no mice and a landlord with an ounce of decency.

so, to set things up for the new year and all the rants it will definitely inspire, i have two vastly different posts...

Calendar girls

But no women's voluntary service in sight.
Pretty girls on bikes

although i have to say that a couple of them in there look like they'd kill you first.

nice bikes tho... and it's always good to see strong ladies.

It probably wouldn't surprise my mates...

...if i got caught doing this
man caught having sex with bike

i mean, when you've got 3 bikes and another on it's way, it's bordering on obsession, but even i'd draw the line here.

the thing i don't understand is... if he was in his room doing this, why is he on the register? it's not like he's doing any harm?!? unless it's YOUR bike of course... and what's with the white t-shirt only? yak...

i hope you appreciate the fact i have made no reference to hand pumps, cranks or any other bike related rudeness.

I've been a bit stupid...

... of late, i managed to miss a red light the other week (yes, really, cub's honour). I have to say in my defence it was after a very close call with a car, a car that had decided it was bored with queuing and used it's 'magic indicators*' before turning across my path...

anyways, i was contemplating said near miss when i missed that darn light. unfortunately the bus coming the other way, damn sure wasn't going to miss his green (despite the pesky cyclist in his way). thankfully my brakes were working pretty well...

so, another near miss avoided.

however as i cycle alongside the bendy bus, which has stopped for passengers, i see the driver pull his window open. so, i stop to see what he has to say...

'i suppose you didn't see me or the red light?' was his opening gambit.

i informed him that hadn't actually seen the red, but thankfully i had seen him otherwise i'd be under the bus right now.

i then asked if he thought he had the right to kill someone simply because he had green.

this one stunned even me, he replied 'yes'

i have to confess to being shell shocked by that and only managed to retort 'like every other bus driver, you're a fucking idiot' and rode off. I'm not particularly proud of that as a come back, but i really couldn't believe he'd said that, even if it was knee-jerk.

Which brings me to my point, I'm continually amazed by the movements of (to be fair) SOME motorists. It seems that i am fair game if i do something as stupid as get in their way. I understand the frustration felt commuting in London (believe me i do, I'm the one in the rain getting cut up by you), but i never feel the need to actually attempt to kill someone.

I had a similar one this morning with a taxi, i didn't see the no-entry sign and was following the road markings. Again, i was being a bit stupid, or very stupid, but sadly you're not allowed to kill people for that reason.

that exchange was a little crude, i did however ask him if he thought he had the right to kill me because i'd made a mistake, this does seem to fluster people... to the point that he decided to mimic my geordie accent, repeating 'haway' over and over. I have to confess to thinking this was a good mindless come back at first, but was then hit with a wave of depression... i love riding my bike, but i'm really struggling with the general driver's attitude at the mo, i don't know if it's the winter and the poor conditions, but something is giving me the shivers...



*i can't take credit for this term, the cyclist who witnessed my near miss coined it.

Tara's recovery

There's a site up to help Tara Llanes with her hilarious US medical bills...

I think she's an inspiration, as in fact i do anyone dealing with such a traumatic injury with such bravery and humour. No, i really don't mean that to sound patronising...

anyway, the site is here
i've given a little, would be lovely if someone else could too...

I've gone and done it...

...ordered a airnimal that is.

after much deliberation, a lot of help from the nice fella at velorution and a great deal of patience from my hun keito who sat quietly as i test rode and whittered about wheel sizes... i went for the explore, figuring it gave me plenty versatility with the fatter tyres and hub.

Now I just have to wait 2 weeks (I hope)... It feels like xmas...

Boris...

now... i'm not saying it would make me vote for him... i do like boris on a person level, he's highly entertaining and refreshingly blunt, but he is a bit blue for me...

but, i'd be surprised if his opinions on cycling don't win him a lot of friends.

apologies it's from 'the sun'
boris hates bendy buses

God.. what a depressing day...

'Tara Llanes paralysed after crash'

go here now:
tara's myspace

Much respect(s)

Slightly out of place on my blog, which is generally used for cussing and posting pictures of bikes i like...

But, i was saddened to see that Jane Tomlinson died today...
You can read more here

If you don't wish to follow that, Jane was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2000 and told she had 6 months to live, she then dedicated her remaining time to fundraising events, including the ride across america, impressive enough in itself.

sad... very sad...

On the subject of bike hugger

check out this bad boy:
Ti commuter

not sure i could justify (or afford) it, but it's lovely...

loads more eurobike pics here.

those cannondale's are crazy...

Another in the 'fold' hur... hur...

found this on bike radar from bike hugger...
'Dahon launch "lightest ever" folder'

I'm really coming around to folders, i used to really hate them, thought there were the domain of city pricks in 'driza-bone' or whatevers... stupid little wheel nonsense...

then my mate james' got one, which was a shock, and i looked at airnimals... and pacific reach... and... etc.

anyway, i'm loving the attention to detail that's been put into some of these bikes, whilst i realise a lot of them are limited edition, i think they're pushing the boundaries much more than conventional bikes. I mean, check out that crankset...

Anyway, I'm adding the 'Smooth Hound 6.0' to my list of possibles. it looks crazy... i like...

Thank you RMT

It was weird riding in today... I'd completely forgotten about the tube strike. I guess it's one of the joys of relying on pedal power to get you to work...

I had noticed the hilarious amount of traffic in camberwell and the back ups at elephant and castle, but i didn't think much of it, just wallowing in the joy and self righteousness of riding and not burning up fuel/patience.

By the time i got to hyde park corner, i realised something was up... a huge wall of cyclists were coming my way. i mean, it's usually busy around here, but not this mental, then riding through hyde park it started to feel like the velorution had come, bike, upon bike, upon bike...

then it hit me, dur! tube strike! everyone has dusted off those bikes that only come out when there's no other possible option.

apparently the tube 'drivers' i put that in inverted commas as i'm not sure pushing a stick forwards and backwards is 'driving' are very unhappy with changes down to metronet that could jeopordize their 4 day weeks, 30K pay packet and very generous holidays. i feel, really i do...

Anyway, I have to confess to still enjoying it, somekind of 'dunkirk spirit' 'we'll get there no matter what' and i have to confess to feeling a slight sense of pride in london, a bit like after the bombings, everyone gets on with it, business as usual. I pictured the queen mum (god bless her) if she was still with us of course, out on her british racing green brompton popping down to paddy power for a dead cert...

ah!

then i realised there were a lot more cunts out here than usual.. i had people ride at me, cut me into traffic, wobble dangerously in front of me, have no idea what fucking side of the road they should be on... etc. etc. and most of them oblivious with ipod connected ears...

so, i'd just like to thanks bob, for putting all of those cunts i normally avoid by cycling rather than tubing right out in front of me.

ta, really! thanks ever so...

only two more days to go *sigh*

No, no, I'm sorry you are...

When you drive straight at me, when i have right of way, cutting it rather fine, I'm entitled to call you a 'cunt' you can't come back at me, as by your actions my description is accurate.

It's akin to pushing some down some stairs or tripping someone up, it's cuntish behaviour.

so... don't try and defend yourself or get angry, you have done wrong.

I have illustrated the incident for clarity. If there is any confusion said 'cunt' or 'taxi driver' is clearly identifiable by the large cock drawn in the vehicle.

uh? what the...

i'm sorry... but this is retarded...

folders

i've been looking for a folding bike... for those days where i have nowhere to leave my precious bikes... yes, even the one i bought to be left anywhere... they're all too precious.

at the mo, and after some test rides, these are topping the list:
swift (although i can only get the alloy version, boo...)
airnimal joey (yes, named after mr. deacon)

they both look great although i have to confess to falling slightly for the retarded look of the swifts... i have the same problem with shoes, always attracted to the birkenstocks.

anyway, i'll bore you with details once i try/buy. but in the meantime i want the one pictured. some one make it... please!

TFL hitlist

well, TFL finally got back to with the exact list of useful stuff when it comes down to ID-ing a driver.

they were actually pretty helpful and it appears i don't need to track the driver down or indeed follow him home... i do however need to do the following...

here's the mail:

Dear Andy

Thank you for your email about reporting bus driver behaviour to my colleague Jack. I am responding on Jack's behalf.

I was sorry to learn that the last two times you've reported dangerous behaviour; we've been unable to identify the driver in question. I can fully appreciate your frustration with this matter and as such I would like to offer you my sincere apologies.

I would certainly hope that you do not need to complain to us again about poor standards of driving, however, I appreciate that in reality there are no certainties - and that it's better to be equipped with the right knowledge at the time.

For us here at London Buses, the route number is probably the most important piece of information that allows us to immediately identify the correct operating company. As I'm sure you're already aware, we contract private operators to run bus services on our behalf. Once we know which operator runs the reported route, we can forward the complaint for their investigation.

I've listed below some other details which normally help the operators to identify the actual driver.

· Route number
· Time and Date
· Registration/Running or Driver numbers
· Exact location, including road names/landmarks
· Direction of travel
· Description of incident
· Brief description of driver where possible

I hope this helps to clarify the sort of thing we need in the event of a complaint.

Thank you once again for taking the time to write. Please feel free to contact me again if I can be of any further help.

Kind regards

well, there you go... just in case...

fired up on corned beef and anger

I had a bit of a frustrating day yesterday, subsequently i went home, bought beer and made corned beef hotpot.

for those of you that are interested, corned beef hotpot is simply layers of tinned corned beef (fray bentos obviously), sliced onion and potato, then you fill it up with hot water and whack it in the oven for an hour. the result (for me) is a big old bowl of comfort and reassurance... with the unfortunate side effect of a massive belly that makes it difficult to sleep.

anyways, this carbo overload made me rocket-propelled on the way in. or atleast i would have, if it wasn't for the 101 numpties that got in my way. now i'm not being selfish here, everyone has there place on the road, but why do people who are plainly taking it easy have to push past you in stationery traffic, then set off at round 2mph? or push their way in front when you're squeezing through traffic, before realising their shitback commuter handlebars won't allow them to squeeze through anything smaller than 6ft wide.

why?

then there are the new fixed riders everywhere, one nearly edged me off the road, another nearly got whacked by a lorry...

anyway i'm going to blame some of this on brick lane bikes... only in that they sell some beautiful fixed bikes, amongst a plethora of other beautiful things.


so... i'm not really blaming them, atleast for that, but i will perhaps blame them for the uneccessary cool shit i'll be buying over the coming weeks...

!?!??!!*!?!?*!?!?!

Once again, I'm speechless...

Jacobs engineering group, who advise TFL (for one) on the subject of sustainable transport have advised... no, 'ordered' their staff not to cycle to work as it's too dangerous.

you can read the full article here

surprisingly they weren't available for comment.

aside from the obvious, i.e. these people shouldn't be allowed to preach without practising, it does make me think that perhaps they're right... yes, I've read the facts that get trotted out by TFL at every chance, but i'm not convinced.

however, simply avoiding it is not the answer, I won't pretend i have a solution, but i do think the more of us doing it, the more we'll be taken seriously.

SAVE Southsea...

Now i have to confess to not having skated since i was 20, i gave it up to follow my career... or i was shit or something...

anyway, i stil have a old man's longboard and as it involves something with wheels yet no engine, i can comment on these things.

my good friend at saftandboneless tells me portsmouth council are preparing to close down southsea skatepark, why? i know not, but it still stinks... especially (for me) considering tony hawk and lance mountain graced it's concrete curves at some point.

anyway, there's a petition here
so please sign it and let's try and stop this nonsense.

cheers

FIXED

Fixed is an 'exhibition' at the design museum covering the whole fixed thing. well, when i say exhibition, it's a few bikes in a big glass tank... definitely worth seeing (especially as one of them is the beautiful AF1 bike), but i don't wish to mislead no-one...

you can read more here

or you can have a look at some of the beautiful work wilson has created here

Please stop

now i can't exaxctly complain about the sudden rise in fixies around these parts, after all, i'm not a courier, a pro or remotely hardcore, but i saw something i liked in it.

i can however complain about people adopting this because it's 'trendy'. Riding fixed isn't for the faint hearted (or the under-skilled for that matter) as i found out very quickly a couple of years back. Taking straight to the streets of London straight off could be the perfect way to conquer it, or the perfect way to end up under a bus. So, people, take your time, i'm seeing too many wobblers, it's scary.

And.. the quantity of people riding around on 'fixies' with the requisite goldfinger front (and no rear) and a big fat freewheel are scaring the shit out of me. when it's fixed fair enough, but please... freewheel with front and rear brakes. otherwise when 'that' cabby pulls out and you shit your pants, you also be doing a face plant

fair enough with fixed. but, please do it for me, stick a back brake on if you're freewheeling.

On a final note, i can't wait until all these trend-spotters move on to something else, i'm gonna mop up on ebay...

TFL (again...)

once again i felt inclined to talk to TFL regarding one of their drivers. i've resisted doing this as the last time i did, the complaints procedure made me more annoyed than the incident... but...

last week, i had the usual bus overtaking so that it can brake violently and stop at the bus stop 20 metres in front of me. but on this occasion the driver also decided to cut in and almost run me into the railings (no bail out pavement option here).

so, i went alongside, called him a wanker and took a note of his registration. when he noticed i was doing this, he proudly pointed out his driver ID number, smiled and gave me the thumbs up.

by this point i'm feeling very 'happy' that this fucking clown has almost wrecked me and my bike, yet he finds it funny... god, i still want to shout cunt now...

anyways, i complain again and get the same response as i did last time. something along the lines of 'sorry, but they information you supplied isn't enough to ID the driver'. In fact, i'll paste the mail below and let you know how the respond to my reply, as i'm keen to hear aside from actually following the driver home, noting his ad

ress, taking pictures, perhaps getting his national insurance number, how much fucking information i need to ID a driver. he was in a big fucking bus, on this street, at this time, here's his ID, how hard can it be?????

i'm going to start carrying a camera.

anyway, here's the mail and my response (mails have neen removed to protect the ignorant).



dear Jack


thanks for taking the time to respond to my mail.

this is the 2nd time i've reported what i consider to be extremely dangerous driving from TFL staff, and it's also the 2nd time I've been told that I haven't supplied the correct information. Last time i supplied a bus registration number and this time a driver number (which said driver pointed out to me proudly, after nearly running me off the road).

so... could you please tell me exactly what i need to make a note of next time this happens please? i'd like to see if you can restore my faith in TFL and prove that the complaints procedure isn't just a matter of 'going through the motions'.



regards
andy horn


> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Van Der Waals Matthew \(ST\)"
> To:
> Subject: Case 485137
> Date: Mon, 2 Jul 2007 11:03:19 +0100
>
>
> Our Ref: 485137/2/JW
> Date: 02 July 2007
>
> Dear Mr Horn
>
> Incident on 18 June 2007 - Old Street
>
> Thank you for your recent email about the above. I am grateful for
> the time you have taken to get in touch.
>
> I am sorry you experienced a problem with the behaviour of a bus
> driver on this occasion. To ensure that our drivers are meeting
> our high standards we also regularly carry out a number of
> different monitoring exercises, including driver quality monitoring
> surveys conducted by the Driving Standards Agency.
>
> As a result, the majority of our drivers carry out their role in
> the way we would expect. I am sorry that this wasn't reflected in
> the behaviour of this driver.
>
> Unfortunately, from the information you have provided I am unable
> to identify the bus driver. If you are able to provide me with any
> additional details about the bus, such as the registration number
> or route number, I will ensure this is looked into further.
> However, I appreciate that during such an incident this isn't the
> first thing you would necessarily have thought to obtain.
>
> Once again, thank you for writing. If I can be of any help in the
> future, please feel free to contact me.
>
> Yours sincerely
>
>
> Jack Walters
> Customer Services
>
>
> **********************************************************************
> This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
> intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
> are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
> TfL IM Service Desk on 08452 340 017.
>
> This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
> MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
>
> Surface Transport
> Transport for London
> **********************************************************************

>

'Green'

i don't talk much about green issues, mainly because being more environmentally friendly is a by product of my cycling rather than the initial goal.

and i'm a bit crap at saving all those little bottles.

anyway, i read an article about sustainable commuting in ottawa. with it's 170km of bike paths, you can cycle pretty much the whole river without crossing a road. they even close the one that runs alongside in the summer! it sounds like somekind of bike mecca... although the article didn't mention how far you had to ride without hitting someone meandering in the lane, some broken glass or dog shit...

if you don't wish to bike, you can canoe, rollerblade or ice skate (in the winter of course...)
ice skating vid

now i'm not suggesting you canoe to work in london (the canal rats would have you) but it does make you think that there is a hell of a lot more ken could be doing to make our commute a lot easier and a shitload more environmentally friendly.

currently i see little evidence of any kind of commitment to make life better for the very cyclists he encourages with his shitty poster campaigns. 'You're better off by bike' more to be written off by one of TFLs buses, but better off...

obviously i still enjoy riding anywhere i can, but it fucks me off when someone gets self righteous, then demonstrates very little commitment to practicing what they preach. it brings to mind an 'heated debate' i had with a girl regarding tattoos, she stated that if you get one it should be somewhere prominent, i pointed out that sadly society still makes the connection between criminality and ink (or atleast chav and ink) so i can understand why some people choose to have them somewhere personal (mine's a half sleeve BTW, so i'm sat on the fence so to speak). this went on for sometime, until i asked her if she actually had a tattoo, she didn't...

now i'm not saying you're not entitled to an opinion, i'm just asking you formulate said opinion based on perhaps some experience and/or facts... i.e. ride a bike in london before you tell me and thousands of others how to do it. perhaps even ask some of us cyclists what we need? maybe?

and no, it's not a free reflective yellow vest.

It's been a long time...

...Follow procedures the crowd couldn't wait to see this
Nobody been this long awaited since Jesus... [rakim]

well, not quite true... or at all true, except the long time bit...

I've been a having a bit of crisis of late, i got a bit bored with my own rants, then started to wonder if writing about the hate i sometimes feel on my rides was making things worse... and i should try and rise above it, hit somekind of enlightened peak.

then i got pushed by one bus too many, besides i like swearing and i've got lots of crap i'd like to share with the four or so people who check my blog sporadically.

so... ummmm... i'm back from my 'soul searching'

Two wheeled protesting

Someone sent this around work... i know i should be talking about freedom of speech and the injustices of the state... but i have to confess, i'm posting it because i think it's cool...
Read the other stuff at wired

what a prize c**t

found this on the surly blog...

"I can't support bike lanes. Roads are built for buses, cars, and trucks. My heart bleeds when someone gets killed, but it's their own fault at the end of the day."

-Rob FordToronto City Councillor

they're urging people to mail him and i have to confess that even though i'm on the other side of the pond... i have.

they also urge you not to swear, which i didn't, but now i'm on my own blog i'm happy to announce that councillor ford is a cunt of the highest order. we all have enough to deal with when it comes to motorists thinking they automatically have a god given right to run us into the ground without people in authority agreeing...

needless to say it made me rather angry.

mail him and block up his inbox here:
councillor_ford@toronto.ca

Respect(s)

Shocking article on Velorution about the number of cyclist deaths at the hands of HGV drivers. Shocking not just because of the numbers, but also because 85% are women...

For some time i've ranted about the complete oblivion which most drivers seem to surround themselves with in london, particularly drivers of HGVs/buses. This isn't about the highway code, who has right of way or whether you don't like cyclists... it is about having a little thought about other road users and considering that you could perhaps kill someone in your attempt to get somewhere at breakneck speed.

For once, i'm slightly at a loss as to what to say, i just can't believe anyone can have such little regard for human life.

It's an interesting article and you read it here

Pret a Rouler

i'm all for practical clothing on a bike, after spending most of my 1st 'proper' year cycling in london with a mix of an old pair of cut-off BDUs, some crap cycling shorts and everything, but everything altura, i quickly noted the merits of propers cuts and materials.

this doesn't mean i like lycra, well... i don't wear lycra, atleast not where it's visible and i do manage to avoid the classic luminous look of most commuters. but, i for one would love to see some clothing that is cycle specific, uses technical fabrics, but most of all makes you feel less of a dick when you walk around sans bike.

i know velorution are a pushing some boundries on this, so it came as no surprise to find this on there site:
pret a rouler

i say no suprise, but nice none-the-less, a fashion show of new emerging designers alongside some more established names like rapha (love you, can't afford you... 90 for a pair of breeks...) and showcased in somekind of mysterious multimedia type way... on brick lane... i'm looking forward to it...

little langster

Just thought this was a suitable urban setting for a little langster... even with my preference for steel and the shit this poor bike gets from purists, i like em.

this one's sporting some pure courier style, that cheap placky guard pointing down on the wheel, the new york lock, can't tell if it's a goldfinger lever, but i'd put money on it. whether it's real or pretend, who cares, it looks good...

Shuffle

On the subject of 'I can make it' I nearly hit someone yesterday, on my bike that is, not with a fist or anything.

I was speeding around waterloo roundabout, at least I think that's what it's called, the one with the big cinema thingy in the middle... Anyway, flying around there, you have to pick up a bit of speed to keep pace with all the cars tearing around it, then you drop down into a smaller road with a pedestrian crossing.

Now... I look down and see lots of people crossing, it's a green light for me though, so I brake a little and start honking my horn, most people clear at this point, except for the brainless prick with the ipod, he just carries on sauntering across...

At this point I try and brake, but feel my back wheel slide, so I decide to go around him at the risk of scaring the shit out of him. Hey! It's better than me hurting myself.

Then he sees me.

And he does that scared 'where the fuck should I go' shuffle, forwards (yes!) then backwards (no!) and then thankfully forward again.

I ride around him, call him a fucking pillock and he gives me a paddington bear stare.

I'd just like to point out that YOU were in the wrong, I did everything I could, fucking look before you leap.

If... I... Can... Just... Make... It...

Why do so many of the people I encounter on my daily ride think they can make it?

They CAN make that traffic light before it goes red.
They CAN trundle across the road (on red) before I plough into them (on green).
They CAN pull out in front of me and accelerate so that I don't smack into the side of them.

I reckon people should be given a taste of singlespeed (or indeed fixed) for a week. They'll understand that you CAN wait, it doesn't really matter it's just a few minutes, enjoy the sunshine or something.

If you're wondering where my new found karma has come from, I'm experimenting with a new non-swear, take in the view (whilst watching out for cunts) approach to my rides. I feel it helps with my blood pressure.

It's been prompted by the very un-seasonal weather we're having here, I've had a week of sunny mornings, around 15 degrees, and the fresh love i'm feeling for the karate monkey, it's made me smile everyday.

Apparently it's going to snow on Monday and drop to 5 degrees...

Belt up

I'd seen these on Brixton Cycles and Howies... and then forgot about them...

Then i saw them again on Gwadzilla (thanks!) and thought they deserved a post for so many reasons. I'd like to pretend the main one was a green reason, but i have to confess it's because i think they're cool... and i want one.

Please Mr. Motorist... PT2

Please keep this in mind Mr (or Mrs in this case) motorist...

When i try and take a dominant position on the road, it's for the following reason, i'm nervous about some cunt running me over on a very busy roundabout (waterloo in this case, but it extends to most).

I'm not doing it to be annoying.

Therefore trying accelerate around me, defeats the point, i did this to stop you doing that. i'm only going to hold you up for 20 seconds as i scoot to the side as fast as my little ginger legs will carry me, so stick with me, then you can be on your way, a whole 20 seconds late for your shitty job.

i do hope this won't affect your 5K monthly bonus, but if it does, perhaps you could consider using public transport, it's cheaper, quicker, better for the environment and i'd be much happier with one less cunt on the road.

yes indeed...

nicked from fixedgeargallery... i hope they don't mind... i just liked the sentiment...

Cambodia & Vietnam

more pics from my trip here:
flickr

not all bike related though...

‘Why can’t they dress up as milk-men instead?’

now here’s a stereotype I definitely fall in to… that of the ‘fakenger’

in fact, I was originally going to call my blog that... Then I decided it was a bit shit…

anyway, I do find it frustrating that because I ride with one gear, don’t like brightly coloured lycra and prefer sidi to big white trainers and rugby socks, that I’m some kind of fake, pretender or Nathan barley type.

Anyway, I think this sums up the sentiment much better than I ever could...
‘Why can’t they dress up as milk-men instead?’

other global concerns...

wish i could make this, although my bank manager is probably pleased i can't...
the north american handmade bicycle show

and why oh why? do her majesty's customs and excise think it's perfectly acceptable to take nearly 8 quid from me on a 40 dollar spend at onelesscar? oneless did the work, not you money grabbing cunts.

*sigh*

darn it...

... i've missed the sydney body art bike ride.

and i had my hulk design all sorted....

Transport for London

I’m not usually one of those cunts that feels motivated enough to write to the papers or make things formal on the complaints front…. But…

Riding in last week I was subject to, and then witnessed, some of the most inconsiderate and dangerous driving I have seen in quite some time. I felt so incensed that I actually took note of the drivers number with the intention of complaining, this is odd, as you know if you’ve ever read this blog (if anyone reads this blog…) or indeed know me, I’d normally just settle for a hearty cuss…

Anyways, it’s raining, it’s dark, it’s miserable, it’s a morning ride in London, I’m moving down the old kent road when this prick of a bus driver overtakes, indicates and then does a sharp left to pull in at a bus stop.

I brake, skid, compose myself, then ride past and inform the driver that he’s a stupid cunt. Nothing unusual here, I do this most mornings and evenings (usually a few times). But this time I witness him do the same and then some to another rider 200 metres up the road, this time forcing said rider to put his hand out and actually touch the bus.

I’m sorry, but this is a fucking joke, this prick is driving a 10 ton hunk of metal like it’s a run around.

So… I’ve mailed TFL to tell them their ‘share the roads’ campaign is a joke and as I’ve said before ‘I’ll share the road when other pricks want to share it with me’.

I’ll post a response as (and if) I receive it.


NB: Initially this driver was to be awarded the cunt of the year title, but I’ve ridden a few more times after, there are now lots of other candidates.

i know i don't NEED them...

but these are rather lovely trouser clips... no... i won't buy them...

courtesy of velorution

Back in the saddle

i managed a couple of rides this week, the last one resulting in my strange ailment
this weekend... but hey... i enjoyed them...

everything hurt, lungs, legs, bits and butt, but it felt great to be travelling in a way that doesn't involve cramming into a carriage with a hundred other smelly bods.

it did however remind me of a few things:

1. most taxi drivers are still cocks (strange that hasn't changed in the last 5 weeks). prime example was the oblivious prick that i nearly rode into the back of (after he made a particularly hilarious braking maneuver). i say 'oblivious' as his only focus was the bloke in the suit with his hand in the air and sadly not the sweating ginger riding behind him. i'm also sad to say that my paddington bear stare did little to alarm/provoke him.

2. pedestrians are still stupid. i counted 8 ridiculous moves, stepping out without looking, going to step out, see me then wobble on the curb... etc. i have a plan, hand out £40 fines to these dicks when they cross on red.

3. and finally, it reminded me that i like bikes... a lot...

I'm still off my bike...

...boo.

but my good friends at the town hall are probably enjoying the complete lack of bike geekery...

unlucky.

have a look at this rapha roller race

ha ha.

How cool?

You can get your name in the frame!!!! i know it's for businesses... but how cool?

See more here

back to grey...

Sadly the winter break is over...

the skies are no longer blue, the lunches no longer spring roll packed, the tv has less channels and i can't get a beer for $1... on the upside, i need less toilet breaks, i have little chance of contracting malaria and no-one is trying to sell me postcards.

Vietnam and Cambodia were amazing.

Food, people, sites - all amazing. but one thing that stuck in my mind nearly as much as angkor watt and the white rose dumplings in hoi an, was how many people are travelling the roads on 2 wheels...

Admittedly, most were on honda and yamaha (4 million scooters in saigon alone), but a lot weren't motorised. Pedal power isn't just limited to cyclos, we saw all manner of bikes across both countries, some looking like they'd been handed down from generation to generation others setting me out (in vain) to track down a cambodian bike shop.

As for conditions, i thought i had it bad on london roads, but hanoi and saigon were something else, there seemed to be no rules of the road, except perhaps 'let the fucking scary monster trucks through' and 'honk your horn a lot' in fact, even crossing the road was a leap of faith, except when a cyclo driver took pity and used it to block the traffic for me, thanks...

Anyways, i've put a few pics here, i'll stick some more on flickr when i get a mo. if anyone's reading/interested...

2 weeks!

2 weeks! since i've been on a bike... being on (prescribed) drugs and their wonderful side effects have kept me riding something made out of porcelain, rather than steel.

anyway, i finally made it out yesterday, it was fucking cold thanks to the freezing fog we're currently 'enjoying', but thanks to my wonderful new merino number (see below), my shemagh and some help from mr. gore i didn't notice.

i did however notice that my legs were burning, my nose was running like a tap and i felt like my lungs might burst (in between coughs of course)... and it felt great! i'm back in the saddle, hurrah... the brooks one... not the other...

No cussing... it's Christmas...

... and it came a little early this year.

i ordered some hats from shaun deller, if you don't know the name, you can find out more here:
shaun's site

and i have to say not only are they fantastic looking, well built and super earth friendly, but also very warm to boot! and boy did i need that in the stinking freezing fog...

BTW

the lowrider site i got the gold horn pics form has some sweet stuff on there... check out these pedals... jeez...

honk of death

i've been crap... i should have noticed... i had too much work... now i got too much snot and flem... i'm hoping to be back on my bike next week...

i'm sure that'll give me plenty of reasons to cuss and hate.

i'm not dead, i haven't honked my last, but i have been busy/slack...

fold your tyres properly

i received a new schwalbe marathon in the post... whoever sent it didn't know how to fold said tyre properly.. although i have to confess it still puzzles me...

anyway, here's the result, an hour worth of fiddling, the old tyre popped back on out of desperation and these... i have 4... thanks.

with a name like mine...

.. you feel like you have to have some decent pedestrian/car/retard warner, so my choice has always been a proper comedy clown horn.

then i saw this at spittalfields, i reckon it's hard to beat... i salute you.

U-S-A! U-S-A!

interesting article about arlington county offering free lights to cyclists to avoid violations...
the examiner

interesting in that it's a marked contrast with the city of london's bike police and community 'support' officers who seem to delight in sitting out of site at key commuter routes...

handing out on the spot fines just bolsters city funds, i find it hard to believe it changes attitudes.

That red light thing

now i know this one causes a lot of debate and is well worn ground... but, in light of the new 'share the road campaign' courtesy of tfl, i felt incensed enough to have a rant.

so... the basic premise of this wonderful campaign, is to stop evil cyclists from endangering everyone's life with their 'idiotic' behaviour... in fact someone shouted 'lights idiot' at me this morning, not seeing the irony in the fact they were crossing on red...

anyway, whilst there's no denying that jumping reds is potentially dangerous, i'd argue that the drivers of motor vehicles that i see jumping reds most days are much more reckless and dangerous than me on my little red bike...

in fact, a pedestrian is 100 times more likely to be injured in a collision with a motor vehicle, than with a cycle (despite the 71% rise in bike use this year) and to back that up, last year 34,791 pedestrian injuries were caused by motor vehicles with only 331 involving cycles (thanks to the CTC for the hard facts).

535 people were also killed last year in collisions, only one of these involved a cycle (which coinidentally wasn't jumping a red, riding on the pavement or indeed doing anything 'illegal') the rest cars/motorbikes/trucks/the usual.

and even the riding on the pavement thing (which i have to confess i have done, but usually when someone has closed any other option for me and then i've done it a slower than walking pace) shows that there were 2,197 injuries occurring on the pavement caused by motor vehicles, 17 of which were fatal. this figure outnumbers similar cycle collisions by 42 to 1.

so... and to end this on a informed and adult note, this new campaign is as much a crock of shit as the proposed bicycle number plates or the plan to fine you £2500 for not having a bell on your bike.

for fuck's sake can we please address some real issues? people talking on phones whilst driving for one, how many times do i need to narrowly avoid a scrape because some prick is trying to multi-task when it's evident he can't even keep his car in a straight line.

and if you're going to take the line of simply following the highway code, fine, but could all motor vehicle drivers and pedestrians take note of the following...

when you do something fucking stupid, like step out into the road without looking, don't get angry at me when i honk (or shout if it's too late), i'm trying to save both our arses from a tumble.

when you do something sketchy, like cross when it's on red, or cut down the outside of the traffic, don't get angry at me for doing the same.

share the road, sure, happy to, now you.

a point of note...

to take a left and then fire up ones indicators is a pointless affair, such actions render said indicating lights impotent.

to clarify there is no point letting me know you're turning after you already have... like the retard driving the MP did this morning and the fat fuck in the jag did tonight...

On the subject of bike police...

do they really need hope brakes and rohloff gears? isn't this a bit like all the patrol cars being mercs?

glad my tax's are (once again) being spent wisely.

i reckon they should have proper black pashley numbers like the real police of old... it wouldn't even make much difference, most of them aren't exactly 'athletic'

community 'support'

so... wednesday morning... i'm on my way to work... which involves a little detour along the pavement, as the council has kindly closed the road that i need to use. now i spy what i think are some city police (they were all over liverpool street), so i think best be on the safe side, not fancying another £40 fine or indeed the conversation with the humourless twat that handed it out.

anyway, they're not police, they're 'community support officers' and they're throwing out the fines.

so, fair enough, i guess... you shouldn't ride on the pavement, it's against the L-A-W.

but for fuck's sake, do we live in toy-town? is the greatest evil facing london cycling on the pavement?

a few nights previous to this a father of 2 in hackney was stabbed to death on his doorstep, just up the road from where i am now, but no, let's spend our tax's on ticketing cyclists.

now don't get me wrong, i know people do take the piss and fly along the pavement sometimes, this is out of order, no dispute, but fucking hell, these are people riding slower than i walk, can't we have some discretion? nope. £40 please sir.

i'm fuming by now, then i see someone on a nice little track bike deliberately take to the pavement (when he could follow the road) squeezing past the 'officers' and ignoring their attempts to exert some authority... then one of the chumps hops on his shitty mountain bike and gives chase! i just wish i could have seen the whole thing, all 30 seconds of it...

anyway, my point is, priorities, let's have some please.

it's official...

... i have 'mini bars blud!'

that's what the yewth in peckham said, so who am i to disgaree?

do what is says on the rim

i decided to go for a ride to clear my head, after two days of staring at my laptop... in my bedroom...

i also decided to pop into cycle team (after not pumping the tyres enough).

this is where things go wrong... if a tyre says max 100psi, it's probably best to stick to that, rather than 120, thinking you'll be fine...

10 minutes of riding later, my tyre makes a funny noise... i listen... then carry on... then it gets louder... i look down and my tyre is poking off the rim and i can see the inner tube. i take this as an indication to stop, which i do thankfully, because as i slow it jams in the front brake and forces a mini endo.

i get off the bike and pick it up, as i do so it lets out a comedy gunshot pop, the guy next to me nearly does a shit (gunshots not taken lightly around lewisham) and i have a 3 inch gash in the tube.

i have to confess to finding it quite funny at this point, such a comedy noise and reaction, then i try and repair the wheel to no avail. one side is ballooning out from the blowout and just won't stay on the rim.

so... i have to walk, past loads of youths... in my new sidi shoes, which are great, except for walking... it takes me 30 mins of clip-clopping and sliding to get to a train and then home.

read the instructions.

bike points

the one day someone asks me if i've got any tyre levers is the one day i haven't...

anyway, i feel sorry for this bloke, it may have helped that he was riding a singlespeed and not clad in lycra, but i decide to whizz home pick up the levers and catch him up.

multiple points scored.

anyway, everything is going to plan, until some prick in a white van nearly totals me on a side street... he comes straight across the road wedging me into parked cars.

so much for the good samaritan.

anyway, i pull along side and ask him what the fuck he was doing. he raises his hand and shrugs (he can't hear me through the glass) so i tell him he could have fucking looked and inform him that he cut me up. he does the same again, i'm getting quite 'moody' at this point... then the fuckwit realises turning his radio down might allow him to hear me... and he does... and he does...

but here's the best bit, he kind of does a shrug to say 'oh, thanks for telling me' no apology, nothing. i should be allowed to carry a gun.

anyway, i carry on and catch your man, who is admittedly only about 15 mins from a bike shop by now, but he appreciates it and is super friendly.

despite things going pear shaped early on, i head off with a warm glow hoping i've spread some kind of cycling karma...

so, in theory, the next time my saddle falls off in peckham, leaving me with a ride to london bridge with a potentially rectally invasive seatpost i'm hoping one of the cunts that rode past me last time will perhaps stop and offer some help...

helmet

i read this:
Wearing helmets 'more dangerous'

it seems you're more likely to get hit by a motorist if you wear one as they see you as a 'lycra clad warrior' and therefore more 'predictable' in your riding.

all this talk of helmets and warriors brings me to the most relevant part of that article...

"Most adult cyclists know what it is like to drive a car, but relatively few motorists ride bicycles in traffic, and so don't know the issues cyclists face.

There should definitely be more information on the needs of other road users when people learn to drive and practical experience would be even better."

hurrah. i can see that happening.

new bars...

chopped my bars (again) last night. i think they've reached the point of being quite ridiculous... but they're great to ride, can squeeze in anywhere.

Oh, while i'm here, can't waste the opportunity to whinge... what's with the undertaking? i had two dicks on mountain bikes do it to me this morning. slowing as i come up to some reds, i'm forced to pull out into traffic, what the fuck's that about? fortunately for them i was courteous enough to let them out... well.. to be honest, it was more a self preservation thing. anyway, next time i think i may try to ride the fuckers into the back of a cab/lorry/bus.

we all have enough to deal with already, let's not have too much bike on bike action.

ealing broadway fixie

i spotted the following beauty in ealing this saturday... it's pretty small, but pretty none-the-less.

then i saw the wheels, crazy spoke work! reckon i'd be a bit scared to ride them, but they looked great.

swears

I had two reasons to swear on my ride today, well i had more, but there's not enough time to list all of them...

firstly, why is that every bus driver in london is a self-righteous prick? i cut a light, fair enough, maybe i shouldn't have done that, but please... anyway a bus honks, i raise a finger, he honks again and proceeds to drive very close to me.

i ride on, then the red mist descends and i head back to discuss the matter. he either sees me and thinks he can't be arsed, or he is aiming to hit someone else by now...

anyway, i'm way in the wrong, i jumped a light then i was cheeky. BUT and it's a big but, how many times do i see bus' jump reds on my ride in? 4 times that's one every ten mins. i didn't even bother counting how many times they cut me up.

so... get fucked with the honking until your house is in order.

secondly, a cyclist in front of me (who i've been playing tag with) goes over an amber on a pedestrian crossing just as soneone steps out, tuts and head shaking following. so, i brake and gesture for him to cross (even though it's on green now) to be greeted by the same head shaking... i exchanged some banter and carried on my game...

i'm very bored with this attitude that cyclists are the greatest danger on the the road, it's bollocks. if we can't cross a red, neither can you mr. city tosser, if we can't ride on the pavement (i still have my £40 fine) then please don't step out onto the road after listening for cars, but not looking for bikes.

£180...

You smash into a bunch of cyclist, killing 4 of them, then you get fined £180 for having bald tyres...

The Abergele horror comes it's (il)logical conclusion.

Whether the driver had bald tyres, was drunk (which apparently he wasn't) was driving too fast (the law says not, but conditions and common sense might say otherwise) or simply being reckless, is not the point.

Road users simply need to be responsible for one another. It's not acceptable to cut me up to get to your shitty desk by 9am or run a red because the bus you are driving has a schedule to hit. you could kill me.

I love riding my bike, but i find more and more on my daily ride that i'm becoming bored with swearing and losing all faith in human nature once it sits behind a wheel.

Thank you Mr. Mercury

i am traffic...

i had a motorcyclist touch my back wheel last night, i obviously called him a wanker...

then i thought about it and realised he'd done it on purpose (he tried to undertake and i accidentally cut him off, i had right of way i should say). i can't believe some body would do something that could leave me on my arse in the face of traffic because they think they're more important than me....

sadly i didn't take his number and instead foccussed my energy on racing after him, giving him the finger and once again calling him a fucking wanker... i wish i'd took the number... i really do...

anyway, so this gets me thinking about jumping red and so on, and i've decided i'll stick to the highway code (to the letter) when every other fucker on the road treats me like fucking traffic and not a target for their frustration. cunts.

everyone hates us

i read any article this weekend that discussed why cyclists have gone from being 'eco friendly' to psychos on wheels...

on my ride in today i decided everyone hates us, because we hate them, they step out without looking (engage brain) they pull out without looking, they generally do everything that makes us believe that they want to kill or maim us.

this morning a bus decides to spill passengers out into the cycle lane, i brake, slow down to pass and get tuts from the passengers waiting to get off, i gnash teeth, get angry and shout... i hate them.

now hours later, i don't know for sure if that was a bus stop... i wouldn't say i feel bad, maybe stupid though...

Summer ride

Just a couple of pics of my improved cross-check...

stripped off the old winter tractor wheels and the shit catchers for something more racey... and added some on-one midges, which coincidentally rock.



i was gonna turn this bike into somekind of geared up tourer, but a week of riding in clement weather has turned me around, singlespeed is top, even if my legs do knack.