The tabloids...

... had a field day with the whole cameron thing. don't get me wrong, i think the guy is a prick and the whole ride a bike with a car behind is indefensible...

BUT

and it's a reasonably large but, i won't condemn his actions on his route in. fuck, i would have jumped the light he stopped at.

i think people need to realise that you have to ride aggressively, or is that defensively, in london.

pushing yourself to the front is the only way to avoid the inevitable scrum that has no thought for your safety.

anyway, velorution as always hasve a very informed take on this.

oh...and please, you've got money, get a decent ride.

Top tips

yet more top tips from the wonderful commute by bike site

It's spring

so why, when we're eating easter eggs, is it snowing,hailing and generally being weird?

i got caught in a biblical hailstorm on friday after stopping off to buy chocolate products, then it's snowed pretty much all weekend. i'm not going to bang on about global warming and perhaps suggest that you all use bikes more than your 'gas guzzlers' - but - i will say 'this is weird...'

and i didn't get to clean surly (again)

Be aggressive

I always thought aggressive riding made sense, not in the traditonal fitness rider sense where you career past everyone (in your football socks and massive white trainers) in a reckless fashion...

no, something more sensible, taking control, trying to remove dangers... anyways, commute by bike have done a very good job of explaining what i mean... so, i can duck out and get a beer now... cheers to Tim Grahl!

how many fucking times...

i know you hate me.

i know you think i'm dangerous.

i know you won't believe we don't all wear luminous lycra whilst fantasizing that we're ascending that col...

but please do believe this:

I AM NOT THE DANGER. YOU HAVE SEVERAL TONS OF METAL, AN ENGINE AND AN ATTITUDE. STOP IT.

we're not all smug, believe it or not, i ride my bike because i enjoy it, not because i have swampy/eco warrior fantasies. i don't set out to annoy motorists, i do enjoy passing them, but hey! you could do that too if you ditched the car. i don't take risks, but i do make moves to get me out of your way.

stop this shit, there is no reason for motorists to hate cyclists and constantly bleat about them, we jump the odd red light, we push to the front (for our own safety) and some of us *gulp* wear lycra.

get a grip, you're driving a polluting, lethal, hunk of metal with scant regard for your own or other's safety. let's think about this one.

oh! and the article that prompted this is here

gleamed from cyclelicio.us

Day 1

well... day 1 of the experiment didn't go too well, i chose not to document this morning's journey foolishly thinking my puny mind would remember this evening... on the sofa... with a beer...

don't get me wrong, i remember bits, i remember the bus on commercial street that sped past so close that i'm sure it nearly clipped my ear, i remember the pedestrian... oh, hang on was that yesterday...

on the way home similar happened, i got in, had a shower, opened a beer, had my chicken noodle soup that the lovely keito kindly made... watched millionaire... now my mind is peppered, rather than rammed.

i do remember the woman who pulled out in front of me, who i cussed and then realised she had plenty time, it was just the way she toyed with her hair whilst driving that annoyed...

anyway, what i'm getting to is...

i think this day-to-day annoyance, frustration and general cussing is becoming just that, day-to-day and subsequently instantly forgettable. this does make me sad, i have moments (on velo) where i become deeply, deeply depressed by the inconsideration, the lack of care, the desire to maim because you're simply 'in the way' but i also have moments where i'm deliriously happy to be on two wheels, not four, or more,or tracks... which i have to do tomorrow, i'm already dreading it, the £7.80 charge and the angry commuters...

so, what i'm saying is, does the annoyance cancel out the joy? or do they create a weird equilibrium? i dunno... i'm just a cyclist...

i still plan to make a 'cock chart' and i still plan to document this... i guess i just need to... umm... plan things a little better...

This is a test

Gleamed from velorution (again) very nice bit of work...

Stop, look AND listen

mr pedestrian, you hate us, we're dangerous, we jump red lights... we're evil... you're innocent, blameless... now please climb down from your ivory tower...

when you cause a pile up with two cyclists (my workmate and her partner), please have the common decency to stop, perhaps see if everyone is okay and maybe even help them lift themselves and their mangled steeds out of the danger zone.

you caused it, have some decency you steaming pile of shit.

then you can climb back up and start raving about the biggest threat to streets of london... ummm... the cyclist... grrrr... or something scary... like rrraahhhh....

I appreciate the sentiment...

.. and the beautiful artwork.

insightful and often profound strips at yehuda moon

Real Statisics & Facts (Idiot Percentiles)

once again i find myself apologizing to the ether (and perhaps one or two people who MIGHT still check my blog...). i've been slack with this blog...

i have a home with the lovely keito, i'm taking legal action against the kind person who owned my last one and trying to gather some cash (to replace the ridiculous amounts i've spent finding said home).

all my other big priorities have taken a back seat, with the exception of beer and cigarettes - they've become close friends, especially bikes, they've fallen by the wayside (no pun intended). Zeus (as you may have seen) has moved on to the great velodrome in the sky, karate monkey is about to go on ebay and hopefully to new owner who can do him justice...

this leaves me and cross check... he's in a new mode, as my only bike he has to be more comfortable, he's flexing some straight bar action and some rather lovely new levers from paul comp.

we're quite happy together... but we'll be happier when my new airnimal arrives and zeus gets reincarnated (he's more of a donor) :-)

anyway, i've got some big plans this year to document the high concentration of dicks on the roads. ultimately i'd like to take some video footage of the worst i see, but in the meantime i plan to create some cock charts, i.e. capture with graphic devices the number of times i feel the need to say 'cock' on my commute, then offset it against the percentages... i.e whether it was deserved or was i just being plain mardy (this will be judged after the ride, coffee (or beer) in hand),

so, check back, we'll see what the stats say...

oh! i used it a lot today, especially at the taxi driver, who turned in on me, then indicated, then looked... i'm sure that's the wrong way round...

I'm working on it...

R.I.P ZEUS

Poor Zeus is dead...

he snapped his 5th and final seat pin on friday.

I could no longer deal with losing an inch on every bike ride and snapping two pins a week. He will be retired.

I was quite sad actually, that bike certainly made up in riding fun for lack of good looks. Zeus was a blast.

Now this leaves me with the pressing question of how to fill such a gaping cycling hole... oh dear...

and us doing something right...

in a recent article in the mail (i found it on a blog, honest) there's a claim that a 20% increase in cycling could result in saving £500 million by 2012.

that's (as they also state) £400 a cyclist

old news, but interesting none-the-less...

here it is

Oh... it's our fault again...

Now I've had a few dealings with the city of london cycle police, they've been pleasant and condascending in equal measure.

However, i do find their presence on the city streets to be more about raking in cash than actually doing much about the law.

it's interesting to find that they're now spreading false propaganda...

after the beeb documentary about road rage it seems the city police were out in force charging £40 a pop without any discretion. then city chief Aspinall states 'the ‘number of casualties of cyclists’ in the City is ‘mainly due to cyclist behaviour'.

I'm sorry, but this is a crock of shit, as proved in last year's investigation, reckless driving of cars and lorries is much further up the city casualty list than jumping red lights.

Personally i see this as another example of the demonisation of the city's cyclists. to the general public/commuter, once again we deserve the title 'lycra lout' - who came up with that BTW? have they ever looked at the average commuter? lycra doesn't come into it...

Back to my point, the dangerous driving i encounter everyday is down to my reckless riding, like the time the driver in peckham cut directly across my path to take a left, the time the driver in honor oak pulled out in front of me, the time the lorry drove at me... oh yes, all my fault, i was being 'reckless'

for fuck's sake...

anyway, you can read more about it on the CTC site

2. Stoking the hate...

i realise it's a tricky one, it is about freedom of speech after all. but i do think we have to exercise a degree of personal responsibility. as much as i find some materials online abhorrent, i also find it impossible to accept any kind of censorship of the internet as acceptable or indeed workable. so, i guess... hmmm... i'm not sure what i'm saying...

anyway's, i read about this on the velorution blog and i felt the mist descend.

i realise cyclists are seen to be pretty much enemy number one on the UK's streets. I'm not sure why, yes, some are incosiderate, a lot jump red lights, but that's it really. It's not like there's some kind of gang of rampant commuters raping and pillaging their way across the country.

so why do i (and any one else on 2 wheels) become a target for such hate? if i posted a blog about how to knock over prams or stories about pushing grannies down stairs i'm sure it wouldn't go down well (well... if anyone was actually reading this).

But, a professional writes a story that talks about decapitating cyclists and it gets published. whether i find it funny or not (i don't) this is about far more than that... i really don't think all the haters and twats out there need any more ideas, they consistently step out in front of me, cut me up in their cars, dangerously pass me in the buses, debate legality with me, then jump reds themselves (it's okay, they're not jumping a red, just 'edging through')... really, they've got enough.

I'm not even going to comment anymore, as it's been handled much more eloquently (and from a better informed mind) by andrea at velorution and on Treadly & Me

1. Hmmmm...

Not sure how i feel about chain guards, but i am starting to love the practical in my old age and these are purty.

would stop me getting oil on my tweed.

from the soma blog

Well... I'm back blogging...

I've been super slack of late, even by my standards...

I spent most of November trying to find somewhere to live, then most of december picking up the pieces when it all fell apart.

nearly £5K down and with a lovely new bike stand, but nowhere to put it, i wasn't feeling up to much... except perhaps causing (financial) harm to my landlord...

anyways, hopefully i have a new home, sadly with less bike space, but on the upside it should have heating, no mice and a landlord with an ounce of decency.

so, to set things up for the new year and all the rants it will definitely inspire, i have two vastly different posts...

Calendar girls

But no women's voluntary service in sight.
Pretty girls on bikes

although i have to say that a couple of them in there look like they'd kill you first.

nice bikes tho... and it's always good to see strong ladies.

It probably wouldn't surprise my mates...

...if i got caught doing this
man caught having sex with bike

i mean, when you've got 3 bikes and another on it's way, it's bordering on obsession, but even i'd draw the line here.

the thing i don't understand is... if he was in his room doing this, why is he on the register? it's not like he's doing any harm?!? unless it's YOUR bike of course... and what's with the white t-shirt only? yak...

i hope you appreciate the fact i have made no reference to hand pumps, cranks or any other bike related rudeness.

I've been a bit stupid...

... of late, i managed to miss a red light the other week (yes, really, cub's honour). I have to say in my defence it was after a very close call with a car, a car that had decided it was bored with queuing and used it's 'magic indicators*' before turning across my path...

anyways, i was contemplating said near miss when i missed that darn light. unfortunately the bus coming the other way, damn sure wasn't going to miss his green (despite the pesky cyclist in his way). thankfully my brakes were working pretty well...

so, another near miss avoided.

however as i cycle alongside the bendy bus, which has stopped for passengers, i see the driver pull his window open. so, i stop to see what he has to say...

'i suppose you didn't see me or the red light?' was his opening gambit.

i informed him that hadn't actually seen the red, but thankfully i had seen him otherwise i'd be under the bus right now.

i then asked if he thought he had the right to kill someone simply because he had green.

this one stunned even me, he replied 'yes'

i have to confess to being shell shocked by that and only managed to retort 'like every other bus driver, you're a fucking idiot' and rode off. I'm not particularly proud of that as a come back, but i really couldn't believe he'd said that, even if it was knee-jerk.

Which brings me to my point, I'm continually amazed by the movements of (to be fair) SOME motorists. It seems that i am fair game if i do something as stupid as get in their way. I understand the frustration felt commuting in London (believe me i do, I'm the one in the rain getting cut up by you), but i never feel the need to actually attempt to kill someone.

I had a similar one this morning with a taxi, i didn't see the no-entry sign and was following the road markings. Again, i was being a bit stupid, or very stupid, but sadly you're not allowed to kill people for that reason.

that exchange was a little crude, i did however ask him if he thought he had the right to kill me because i'd made a mistake, this does seem to fluster people... to the point that he decided to mimic my geordie accent, repeating 'haway' over and over. I have to confess to thinking this was a good mindless come back at first, but was then hit with a wave of depression... i love riding my bike, but i'm really struggling with the general driver's attitude at the mo, i don't know if it's the winter and the poor conditions, but something is giving me the shivers...



*i can't take credit for this term, the cyclist who witnessed my near miss coined it.